John

Lessons learned from the ’80s

In TV on September 14, 2006 at 10:13 am

liono2.jpgOccasionally, I come across silly little pieces of nostalgia that make me feel old. Like, say, Ethan Ryan’s piece on lessons learned from ’80s cartoons–things that only those born between the years ’75 to ’81 (okay, ’82–max!) can only understand, and will talk about over and over again once a couple of jugs have been downed. The thing is, though, talk involving ’80s cartoons never gets old, does it?

Now there’s a sign of how young you are–if you think you’re bored of trying to remember every vehicle on MASK, or can’t sing the opening lines of the Thundercats (“Thundercats are on the loose,” or if you–like any of those who went to an all-boys school–prefer the alternative version: “Chee-tara lari laju, tertinggal baju”)–then guess what, buddy. You’re a kid. Now get lost from this blog. You won’t understand it. You’re also probably one of those jokers who think the new Transformers movie is cool, and don’t know Bumblebee’s a VW instead of a Camaro.

Some of the lessons you probably didn’t know: Papa Smurf actually said “From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs.” Now, if that’s not a direct reference for communism, I don’t know what is. It certainly helps the case that Smurf stands for “Small Men Under Red Father”.

AprilAlso, I’ll never look at TMNT’s April O’Neil the same way ever again. I mean, I knew she was kinda hot, but now that Ethan mentioned that “She’s got red hair, wears a sexy yellow jumpsuit and gets down with anthropomorphic pizza-fiends. Most girls want nothing to do with dudes that live in the sewers, but not April O’Neil. She doesn’t even mind hanging with that old man-rat wearing a pink kimono!” Hey, if someone like her can tolerate eating pizza with a sewer-rat the size of a human, then there’s an obvious lesson to be learned here: it is possible that there are hot women (TV journalists, no less) with whom I can have a shot at.

She-Ra and He-ManAnd, there’s another lesson that was left out: Watching She-Ra and He-Man would’ve helped guys determine your sexual orientation. Guys who secretly watched She-Ra on the side: Definitely straight. Those who openly admitted it: kinda wobbly. Of course, it’s also another indication if you start wearing women’s undies and pretended to be She-Ra. Not that wearing tighty-whities pretending to be He-Man helps, either.

Oh, and the best lesson of all? Shouting “HO!” makes your sword longer. Well-put indeed.

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